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Kate's Bits
Last night I was walking down a road in Leeds called Briggate when I
spied this small white piece of paper just poking out of a crack in
the paving stone. It was raining hard, and Leeds city centre is
hardly renowned for its cleanliness, so the whiteness of this
parchment was somewhat surpising, and made me pause for a while and
catch my breath.
I didn't really want to stop, as I felt a little self-conscious and
was sure other passers-by (of which there were many, as it was still
quite early) would think it odd, and some might even stare. So, I
walked straight past and tried to put it out of my mind.
Later that night, as I reclined in my bed, looking at the walls I
painted blue myself when I moved in (my favourite colour),
watching late night TV and drinking a cup of tea (white, two sugars),
I found that I couldn't get that little white piece of paper out of
my mind. There was just something about it. Something mysterious. I
was racking my brains as to what it could have been.
I tried to sleep, but every time I closed my eyes that piece of white
paper popped back into my head. It was starting to drive me mad.
Now, I live a fair walk out of town. It's about 10 minutes on the
bus, but it was too late for buses and (being an impoverished mature
student with an almost unhealthy liking of lager) I hadn't the money
for a taxi. However, my mind was so preoccupied with the image of
that little white piece of paper that, finally, I had to admit defeat
and I resolved to return to Briggate and solve the mystery once and
for all.
I got out of bed and pulled on a pair of beige combats and a vest. I
then threw on my coat and padded down the stairs and into the night.
As I have said, it is rather a long walk into town from where I live,
which is a picturesque suburban village (ask Mike) on the outskirts
of the city. Part of my journey involved wading across the muddy (as
it was still raining hard) and uneven surface of Woodhouse Moor, a
large park close to my house. Eventually I came to Briggate where I
began to look around for the paper.
It was almost 2am, and due to it being a Sunday there was no one
around to worry about my strange behaviour. I began crawling around
amidst the torrential currents that flowed through the paving stones
around me. If only I could remember where I'd seen it! Which paving
stone was it?
I must have been there for about 3 hours, and was about to give up,
when I suddenly spied a little chink of brilliant white. Eagerly I
ran towards it and pulled it free. I ran with it towards the light of
a nearby lamp post and held it up so I could read it.
Curiously, the paper hadn't been dampened by the rain. I was able to
unfold it and lay it out before me without even the tiniest tear.
"My God!" I muttered, when I saw what it was.
I realised that my finding this was going to change the way people
looked at cheese forever.
Liking cheese just the way it is, I put it back under the paving
stone and went home to bed where I slept like a log in a futon with
a hotwater bottle and several valium (but without the futon or the
hot water bottle or the valium).
Consequently I'm too tired to email anyone today so I'm not going to
bother. In fact, I'm not going to get out of bed.
Actually, I really ought to go and retrieve that piece of paper and
destroy it before someone else finds it and the entire cheese
industry is blown sky high. That would be a disaster!
Kate's Bits
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