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Mike's Spot

Conspiracy Theories


One of my lifetime's ambitions is to start a conspiracy theory and have it accepted by a wide number of people throughout the world.

Conspiracies happen all the time. Of course they do. The rich and powerful are ceaseless in their attempts to increase their wealth and power and frequently engage in activities that they'd prefer were kept secret. And inevitably the curious public are bound to speculate about what these activities may be and what their ultimate agenda are.

Or so it would seem. But what is remarkable about conspiracy theories is that they are all a complete pile of arse! Faked moon landings? Murder of Princess Diana? JFK shot by a frog? You would think that if a conspiracy theory were to reach popular appeal it should at least be plausible.

Furthermore, try this little experiment. Think up your own conspiracy theory. Tell it to all your friends, spread it around the office, pontificate it to complete strangers down the pub, even post it on the internet.

And wait.

I guarantee that your theory will not get back to you. You will never hear of it again from any source other than the people who you told directly. It will not attain global circulation and it will never gain any support whatsoever no matter how ingenious or appealing it is.

This is because conspiracy theories are controlled by a secret organisation that invents all the world's conspiracy theories, and makes sure that no "unauthorised" theories ever reach the masses. This organisation ensures that the only consiracy theories that the public ever gets to hear about are completely wrong, and serve as a distraction from what the rich and powerful are really doing. It is an ingenious plan. Every nerd and geek who are interested in such matters are led up the garden path and never get so much as a look in at a real conspiracy.

And it makes no difference if your made-up conspiracy theory is totally wrong too. The secret organisation that controls conspiracy theories will not authorise it because it is not one of their official theories. It is important to them that they have complete control over all conspiracy theories.

It is not in their interests to have bogus pub-talk conspiracy theories running rampant around the world as this would dilute the effect of their own theories, and futhermore if the general public were allowed to distribute their own conspiracy theories willy-nilly there is a very real chance that one of them might just be right.

Finally, if you're still in any doubt about what I have just told you, consider this. This is the only place you will ever hear about my discovery. You will never see a documentary on TV about it, you will never read about it in any magazines. In fact, if you were to come back to this page tomorrow, chances are it won't be here.

But now you know why.


Mike's Spot
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