One of my lifetime's ambitions is to start a conspiracy
theory and have it accepted by a wide number of people
throughout the world.
Conspiracies happen all the time.
Of course they do. The rich and powerful are ceaseless
in their attempts to increase their wealth and power and
frequently engage in activities that they'd prefer were
And inevitably the curious public are bound to speculate
about what these activities may be and what their ultimate
Or so it would seem.
But what is remarkable about conspiracy theories is that
they are all a complete pile of arse! Faked moon landings?
Murder of Princess Diana? JFK shot by a frog?
You would think that if a conspiracy theory were to reach
popular appeal it should at least be plausible.
Furthermore, try this little experiment. Think up your own
Tell it to all your friends, spread it around the office,
pontificate it to complete strangers down the pub, even post
it on the internet.
I guarantee that your theory will not get back to you. You
will never hear of it again from any source other than the people
who you told directly. It will not attain global circulation
and it will never gain any support whatsoever no matter how
ingenious or appealing it is.
This is because conspiracy theories are controlled by a secret
organisation that invents all the world's conspiracy theories,
and makes sure that no "unauthorised" theories ever reach the
This organisation ensures that the only consiracy theories that
the public ever gets to hear about are completely wrong, and
serve as a distraction from what the rich and powerful are
really doing. It is an ingenious plan. Every nerd and geek who
are interested in such matters are led up the garden path and
never get so much as a look in at a real conspiracy.
And it makes no difference if your made-up conspiracy theory is
totally wrong too.
The secret organisation that controls conspiracy theories will
not authorise it because it is not one of their official theories.
It is important to them that they have complete control over all
It is not in their interests to have bogus pub-talk conspiracy theories
running rampant around the world as this would dilute the effect
of their own theories, and futhermore if the general public were
allowed to distribute their own conspiracy theories willy-nilly
there is a very real chance that one of them might just be right.
Finally, if you're still in any doubt about what I have just told
you, consider this.
This is the only place you will ever hear about my discovery.
You will never see a documentary on TV about it, you will never
read about it in any magazines. In fact, if you were to come back
to this page tomorrow, chances are it won't be here.
But now you know why.
Infest the world with pooclub!