Did you know that there are now more aircraft in the world
than there are places to park them? The entire world airflight
system requires that there always be a certain number of
planes in the air at any one time. If it suddenly became
necessary to ground every plane in the world, many of them
would have nowhere to land and so they'd have to crash
when they ran out of fuel.
It is therefore important that if the world were to run out
of aviation fuel, pre-emptive steps must be taken well in
advance. We must either build loads more airports and
aircraft hangars, or begin disassembling aeroplanes as soon
as they have landed. Naturally, building lots of new airports
that are never going to be used other than to house a
stockpile of unusable aircraft is an expensive and pointless
business, therefore I am urging the governments of the world
to initiate an aircraft cull.
I estimate that around 25-30% of the world's aircraft
(about 3.2 million) will
need to be removed from service in order to avoid this future
disaster which has now been officially named "planefall". However,
governments are notoriously slow at at implementing preventative
measures so I see it as the responsibility of the public to
ensure that this catastrophe does not occur.
For this reason, everybody should take a toolkit with them
whenever they travel by plane. When you get off the plane,
get out your spanners, screwdrivers, hacksaws and wotnots
and remove a few parts of the aeroplane you've just travelled
on. I do realise that one person having a go at a plane
isn't going to disable it, especially when they want to get
on with their holiday instead of having to do DIY jobs,
but if all the passengers collectively were to join in they
could reduce it to a pile of scrap in the time that they
would otherwise spend standing in the queue to passport control.
Just a few points to note: remember that it is vital that you
wait until the plane has landed and has come to a complete
halt (watch for the seat belt light to go out) before you
start taking it apart. If you disassemble a plane at 35,000
feet you're defeating the whole objective.
You may at some point be questioned by airport authorities
about your actions. You must make it quite clear that this
is not an act of sabotage (it is important that the aircraft
can be seen not to be flightworthy anymore), and that you
are doing this to prevent a major disaster. Try to get them
to help if that's possible, even just asking them to hold
a wrench while you unscrew a panel can make them feel that
they are doing their bit, and will make them more sympathetic
to your cause.
Infest the world with pooclub!