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Having A Good Shit:
Can It Make Me Gay?



I've got a problem.

You know when you've got the turtle's head and you really, really need to do a dump and you know it's gonna be a biggy? And then you get to the bog and you extrude your turd in the normal manner and, yes, just as you suspected, it was a biggy and then you wipe your arse and pull your pants up. And then you think "aaahhhh, that was good" and you feel all satisfied and fulfilled. And you leave the bog with a jaunty spring in your step and feel ready to face any challenges that the day might throw at you.

Well, my question is, do you get the same feeling if you've just had an arse buggering? I mean, when you think about it, you've got this thing in your rectum which has got to be at least as uncomfortable as a big log, and then when the person doing the buggering has finished his business the thing is removed and the rectum should feel some relief. What's worrying me is, if the after-effects of an anal shafting is as pleasurable as a good shit, am I a closet sponge?

The problem is, I can't put this to the test because to do so would make me into a raging, rampant queer. Even if my theory proved to be wrong and I didn't enjoy the experience at all, my anus would have been defiled and once defiled it cannot be undefiled. It's OK for chicks because they can have anal sex without transgressing the sexual boundary. But I can't. And what if I turn out to be a mincing mealy-mouthed faggot afterall? How will I cope?

I'm sure you can see that this is a major problem to me and any guy who's ever thought about this.

What are your thoughts?



I would be happy to help. The logistics of faeces is, after all, one of my major interests.

Firstly, don't worry about your latent homosexuality. It is a quality we all possess, and no real cause for any anxiety I don't believe. I bet if you asked for a show of hands in your office, pretty much all of the men there would be forced to admit to having experienced some degree of curiosity about anal sex whilst squeezing out a particularly satisfying log. Just try it and see! I'm sure it will make you feel much better. If you fail to get the response you desire, send out a memo to people in other offices in your building. These things are only taboo if we allow them to be.

Like you, I have never myself experienced the pleasures and pains of a good anal shafting. To be honest, I don't share your natural curiosity. I've had some pretty big shits in my time, and occasionally I find them rather uncomfortable. Of course, there is nothing as satisfying as a really good one, but the log itself must be the correct size and texture before it creates any real joy. A little too hard and it's a bit intense - too soft and it's a bitter disappointment.

The solution, then, is clear to me. All you need is a big strap-on dildo. After all, it isn't an actual penis you crave, is it? Merely the sensation of a large implement up your backside. I'm sure Sandra will be happy to oblige - after all, she's from Liverpool.

Hope this helps!



Well, actually we have covered this topic many a time in the Rugby Club. Our conclusion was that it was only enjoyable 'cos nothing had been stuffed up there in the first place. Real Fudge-Packers get enjoyment from multidirectional thrusts while guys like us only get enjoyment from 'escapers' as opposed to 'intruders' or 'outward exhaust pressure' as opposed to 'rectal inhalation'. I cannot remember the exact wording of the logic but it was pretty good stuff and let me sleep soundly at night.

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