I've been so very worried
Someone help me please
Despite my hygiene efforts
My nob still smells of cheese

I scrub it three times daily
Morning, noon and night
I go underneath the foreskin
But I can't remove the shite

My life has gone to pot
My dick once used to glisten
I've been to see my doctor
But he didn't want to listen

I've read those penis books
By that Teletext agony uncle
But my member still does whiff
Of a 10-year old carbuncle

I think there's not much hope
But to give the thing the chop
It's not like I ever use it much
It's never been much cop

But you never know when it
Might one day come in handy
And one woman's cheese
Could be another woman's candy.