Planks and Yuttles turned and stared
At this audacious slave who'd dared
To cause them this impediment
With such a most unlikely aunt.
Thankfully they bought my story,
I think they found it rather gory,
Back to space they fled in terror
From their most unfortunate error.
They left me lying on a hill top
Where the sheep danced to some hip hop
Music that the shepherd
Played upon a descant leopard.
Then a Spanish chef approached
And grabbed the shepherd by the throat.
He said "This music scares my kettle,
Can you play some heavy metal?"
Obligingly the shepherd shook
His lengthy curly handled crook
And on the spotted cat he played
Motorhead's Ace Of Spades.
The sheep went wild and shook their heads
And tore their fleecy coats to shreds
'Til all the hill top was knee deep
In wool and frantic naked sheep.
I tried to walk but slipped and stumbled
In the mass of wool I tumbled,
Down the hill side I did roll
Until I hit a sack of coal.
The Spanish chef then caught me up
And said I looked a bit fed up
So he would cook some aubergines
That we could eat with ruptured spleens.
From the skies he hailed a pigeon
Which he told to fetch his kitchen.
I said "You should not really go
To all this trouble for me, you know."
But then the faithful bird returned
And said "Your kitchen has been burned
By your careless daughter Florence,
But you can claim on the insurance."
The Spanish chef began to cry,
The pigeon pecked him in the thigh,
"As I was flying back this way
I stopped off at a Take-Away.
They had no aubergine and spleens
And so I nipped behind the scenes
And slipped their kitchen 'eath my wing
And that is what to you I bring."
Auntie Brenda's Pheasant
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