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Tales From Beyond The Enchanted Prong Hills

The Baron Of Dried Fruits


Page 9



"Well, I'll be hornswoggled!" said The Baron Of Dried Pulses.
"Who would ever have thought it?" said The Prince Of Fresh Fruit.
"I really thought I was in with a chance," said the barman of The Jolly Jugs.
"There's no telling what they'll end up going for," said the chamberlain to the court of King Farnsborough.
"Women," said the faithful steed to His Fruity Highness Prince Vitamin C, "Can't live with 'em, can't marry 'em for their father's wealth an' a damn good shag."
"Isn't that dress just divine?" said the rear end of the despondent horse, "Doesn't she look stunning?"
"Radiant," responded the front end, "Just radiant."
And such she did.
As Princess Daughter walked slowly down the aisle upon the arm of King Farnsborough she radiated not only that indefinable air of royalness but also that most definable aura of horny tottie. The five failed suitors could do no more to hide their shamed desires than to keep their hymn books safely on their laps.
Presently the wedding precession reached the end of the aisle where the groom joined the bride for those final steps up to the altar. He too was looking spruced and chipper. His yellow skin had been glazed so that he shone like a gleaming stream of piss and his white fleshy body had been decorated in exquisite swirls of freshly whipped cream. Half a glacé cherry adorned his smooth dome-like head.
"Do you, Willoughby," announced The Bishop With No Name, "take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?"
"I do," replied Willoughby.
The bishop turned to the princess.
"And do you, Princess Daughter, take this piece of half-peeled fruit to be your lawful wedded husband?"
She did, and they lived fruitily ever after.

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Mike - December 1995

The Baron Of Dried Fruits
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