The Clags Of War

An Epic Poem

Kate, Mike & Rachel

Part 3

Rachel:   The good king was quite confident, he'd beat Farquhar before.
They hid their hands behind their backs and then prepared to draw.
One, two, three they counted, Farquhar had Scissors but the King had Stone!
Gleefully the king did cry "Perhaps now brother you'll leave me alone!"
But Farquhar was a nasty bastard, he was a bad, BAD man,
Although he agreed to surrender he had another plan.
He fell to his knees and said to King George "I am a dirty rascal,
You better capture me here and now and lock me up in your castle.

Kate:   Well the King was quite surprised because he knew Farquhar was hard,
He'd never won in battle, but he was no tub of lard,
He never just surrendered! It just wasn't his thing!
"So what is going on here then?" enquired the puzzled King.
"My physique is impressive, I can tell that's what you think,
But underneath this armour I am in a suit of pink.
Yes I am just a gay man, and I'm fit but you are fitter,
Now take me to your castle, please, and take me up the shitter."
(said Farquhar)

Mike:   And so the king looked up and down his handsome proposed partner
And speculated on the joys of becoming an uphill gardener
For since the queen had run off with an income tax inspector
He'd never found a woman that he deemed a nob erector.
So why not take a mystery tour upon another bus?
He'd always known his brother Farquhar had a fine pert tush.
This could be the solution, the thing to settle the score on,
With a cheeky little wink he said, "OK my bruv, right, you're on."

Free bonus verse by Brian Cruickshank!
Brian:   Now it was Farquar's turn to sit and ponder, he really was quite shocked.
He thought he was the sneaky bastard, but now his world was rocked.
"But brother, George!" he cried "Why so gay? You've taken me by surprise,
I always thought you were straight, you've certainly opened my eyes."
King George, it's true, up to now had eyes only for the ladies,
But now his balls were blue and screaming fucking babies.
"I need release, Farquar dear boy, and you are just the person,
Suck on this, show me your skills, I hear you're quite a swordsman."

The Clags Of War
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