Damp And Moist And Gooey
Piss Flaps

Piss Flaps

Pissy pissy piss flaps
Flapping in the breeze
Pissy pissy piss flaps
Attracting wasps and bees
Pissy pissy piss flaps
Wider than a welly
Pissy pissy piss flaps
Nasty, soiled and smelly.

Pissy pissy piss flaps
Damp and moist and gooey
Pissy pissy piss flaps
Covered in strange gluey
Pissy pissy piss flaps
Pissy as can be
Pissy pissy piss flaps
Stinking of stale wee.

Thought For The Day

As I was walking down the street,
I fancied a quick bite to eat,
And so I stopped and bought a pasty,
But it tasted rather nasty,
I asked the lady - "Is it off?"
She gave out quite a frightful cough,
"Oh sorry love, I've got the clap -
Would you like your money back?"

Well I was mad, I tell you that,
I shouted at the bitch whore twat -
"You fucking ugly scrubber bitch,
Can't you keep that loathsome itch
Beneath some clothes, or better yet,
Go and see a fucking vet,
You fucking ugly dog, you whore -
You terpid trout with sores that pour!"

Well that poor girl did sob and cry,
Did I feel guilty? No, not I!
I shoved the pasty up her gash,
And ran off with the petty cash.



Oh how I like a big cock,
Hard as a well weathered rock,
Wibbly and wobbly,
Silk-smoothe or knobbly,
Naked or dressed in a frock.

Oh how I like a big dick,
Juicy and meaty and thick,
Painted bright yellow,
And playing the cello,
Or pierced and supporting a brick.

Oh how I like a big knob,
A lovely big knob does the job,
Luscious and fat,
Maybe wearing a hat,
Solid like corn on the cob.

So give me your willy,
And let me be silly,
And dress it in satin and pearls,
I'll give it long hair,
Nice dresses to wear -
To prove that I don't fancy girls.


Horse Poem

Horse Poem

I wandered lonely as a horse
Across a lovely golfing course
It was quite nice to be al fresco,
But then I had to go to tesco.

Ode On My Arse

Ode On My Arse

Oh lovely lovely bum of mine,
With skin so pink you are sublime,
A perfect sphere, a work of art,
Please sing to me in tuneful fart.
And while you sing please dance around,
Please wibble wobble to that sound,
And all the boys will stop and stare,
Oh lovely bum! Oh bum so rare!

Estate Agents

Estate Agents

Horrid nasty piles of poo
That is what I think of you
You're crap and shit and full of cack
You estate agents get right up my crack.

You have a house we want to buy
But all you do is cheat and lie
Your morals are back to front
You estate agents get right up my cunt.

You dance round fires every night
Heads off chickens you do bite
You worship the anti-christ
And you're not very nice.

Estate agents can eat my ass
While a sneaky log I shall endeavour to pass
Fuck you estate agents, that's what I say
Fuck off, get lost, drop dead. Go away.

January 2001

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