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Chapter 2

i   Adam and Eve were so happy in Eden.
When Eve did her shopping, Adam had freedom.
And during those hours he was not on his tod,
It gave him the chance to go fishing with God.

ii   Now Adam had a serpent of veritable size
Which frequently burrowed between Eve's fine thighs
And the more that Eve had, the more she desired.
Her love for young Adam grew higher and higher.

iii   But Eve's other love was to have a good spend
As round the great store she would happily wend.
But one thing she felt she lacked on such a spree,
"Oh, how I do wish Adam could be with me!

iv   "Look at these trousers, I'm sure they're his size
And how I do wish he could choose from these ties
And which of these tiles should we have in the kitchen?
I KNOW he'd just like to make such a decision."

v   So later that evening she made this proposal
"You know that great store that is at our disposal?
Well, wouldn't it be nice to spend more time together
And buy some nice things, our love nest to feather?"

vi   "Oh foolishness, Eve. You must understand
That we are in Eden and this has been banned.
We cannot go shopping for if God found out
Surely He'd have you completely thrown out."

vii   "But Adam, my dear, what harm could it do?
It seems so unfair. It's a big pile of poo.
I know once you walk down those fabulous aisles
That shopping will bring your face out in all smiles."

viii   But Adam was adamant, faithful to God
He knew that those shopfloors were not to be trod.
But Eve had ideas, a terrible plan.
She knew the one way to entice her own man.

ix   Next day, she returned with her arms full of stuff
And there were things even more grand than her muff,
And as she displayed them for Adam to see,
What Adam saw, he could scarcely believe.

x   A puzzling cube with a colourful pattern,
An inflatable cushion that farts when it's sat on,
A comic bow tie that rotates 'neath your chin,
A two headed coin, guaranteeing you'll win.

xi   A club which you knock a small ball down a hole,
A bird whose head nods as it slides down a pole,
A packet of dice, a deck of playing cards,
A bottle of whisky and a box of cigars.

xii   "All of these things, I swear they are kosher,
But look at this picture I've got in this brochure
To carry it home I was sadly unable.
I know you will like it, it's called a 'pool table'."

xiii   "So come now dear Adam, oh come back with me
And bring home this item I want you to see.
You would not be shopping. Of that I am sure
You'd only be carting one thing from the store."

xiv   Adam's breath gasped, his heart palpitated
His eyes were on stalks and his mouth salivated
"God would just LOVE this," he went on to say,
"Imagine all the great games we could play!"

xv   "Lead me henceforth, oh woman of mine,
To purchase this glorious table divine."
And into the store fated Adam did tread
And Eve had all nice shoppy thoughts in her head.

xvi   "Oo! Just one moment. Let's first go in here!
These bathtaps are stunning, if a trifle dear.
What do you think? Let me find an assistant!"
Adam felt Eve was a little persistent.

xvii   A salesman approached and gave Adam the fear.
"God, you terrible cunt! What are you doing here?"
God looked at Adam who now needed the loo.
"Adam, my man, that's what I should ask you."

xviii   And so from fair Eden, was Eve promptly banished
And in a bad mood, God went and vanished,
And Adam was left with his toys all alone
But rapidly learnt how to play with his bone.

BibleThe Bible

Mike - July 2001

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