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Chapter 3

i   So, God turned his back on his trecherous friend
And went off in search of one who'd not offend,
One who was loyal against all temptation,
One who would not get ideas 'bove his station.

ii   He scoured the land and He scoured the sea,
Oh, where could that one worthy companion be?
And just as His search started getting His goat
He looked down and saw this one bloke in his boat.

iii   "Oh bloke in your boat, I don't wish to seem daft,
But tell me your name and about your fine craft.
For I am your Lord, the creator of all
And I wish to make your aquaintance an' all."

iv   "Good day, Mr. God," the sailor replied,
"My name, it is Noah, and this is my pride.
I built this fine boat to go out and catch fishes,
It also helps give me a break from the missus."

v   "A fisherman too!" said God, all excited.
To meet this good man He was clearly delighted.
And so from that day they would go out together
And catch lots of fish, whatever the weather.

vi   But then one day God's wife said she'd had enough
And now she had long past going off in a huff.
"I'll show my husband He can't ignore me.
I'm going to turn His whole world into sea!"

vii   And into the heavenly bathroom she went
And plugged up the bath and its overflow vent
And turned on the taps 'til the bath it was filled
And as it flowed over, she felt oh-so thrilled!

viii   Down on Noah's boat came a drip from the sky
But there were no clouds and they didn't know why.
"I hadn't set rain for today," God did say,
"I'd better go see if it all is OK."

ix   And then up in heaven, God saw his wife's prank.
"Oh shit!" He exclaimed, "That really is rank!
You stupid dumb bint, do you know what you've done?
All over the world will your bath water run!"

x   He went back to Noah and said, "We must act quick!
The earth will be swamped in a flood that's so thick
That nothing that grazes or hunts will survive.
We must use your boat to keep my world alive."

xi   And Noah said, "But Lord, this is but a small boat!
Filled with those creatures, it won't surely float!"
And God said, "That's right, so in this situation,
We're going to have to make modifications.

xii   "Here is the spec. that I want you to follow.
I need all this work done by daybreak tomorrow."
Noah looked at the spec. "You're having a lark!
And, oh by the way, what the hell is an 'ark'?"

xiii   "The mightiest craft that did ever set sail
With two of each creature, one male, one female.
It must sail forty days so you must use the best wood.
It's our only chance of surviving the flood."

xiv   So Noah took God's plans and went into his shed.
He knew that this night he would not go to bed.
With a strong cup of coffee poured fresh from his perc
He boldly put in the most solid night's work.

BibleThe Bible

Mike - September 2001

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