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Chapter 4

i   And as the sun rose, it shone down on the ark,
The world's first floating zoological park.
The waters were rising and with them there came
All the world's creatures who were acting quite tame.

ii   First to the gangplank there came the gorillas,
One male, one female and built like stone pillars.
Up trotted two horses and wildebeest twain
A bull and a cow were the next in the train.

iii   And as these great beasts came aboard from the lands
Noah knew a problem would be on his hands
He looked at his shovel, and glared at his pail,
A terrible thought promptly made him go pale.

iv   And when all the creatures had settled on board
The ark gently rose in the waters which poured.
And though all the creatures felt safe and secure
Noah was now getting knee deep in manure.

v   And fast as he'd fill up his little tin bucket
And over the side of the ark quickly chuck it,
He knew he was caught in the farce of all farces
As tons more shit poured from the animals' arses.

vi   Shit on the starboard and shit on the port,
Shit on the mainbrace and shit on the thwart
Shit in the rigging and shit on the helm
The stench from this deluge sure did overwhelm

vii   Shit in the galley and shit on the deck
It's a wonder that Noah never broke his own neck
Shit in the fo'cstle and in the crow's nest
Poor old Noah could not stop for a rest.

viii   Shit in the hold, and shit in the scuppers
Noah really felt that he was on his uppers
Shit on the bow and shit on the stern
A patch of dry land Noah was starting to yearn

ix   And so all the shit from the ark's set of creatures
Made Noah invent a new nautical feature
A special deck where he was safe from the shit
And Noah said, "The 'poop-deck'! That's what I'll name it."

x   Then forty days after the ark had set sail,
Noah on his poop-deck, peered over the rail
The flood was subsiding! He let out a cheer!
"Oh happiness! Joy! Someone get me a beer!"

xi   And there in the distance a bird was approaching.
It brought some good news and it needed no coaching.
"I've sighted dry land," said the great bird, a parrot,
"It looks like the mighty peak of Mount Ararat."

xii   Soon on the mountain the great ark had landed
And all of its passengers quickly disbanded.
They bid their farewells to Noah and his wife
And knew they could go and get on with their lives.

xiii   They all knew they had a great task to perform
The repopulation of all the world's fauna
And as they set out, their tails were all wagging
Because they must now do a shit load of shagging.

BibleThe Bible

Mike - September 2001

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