Rhymes For Older Boys And Girls

Nursery Shite

Kate & Mike

Kate:   Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of Carlsberg
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill liked Norwegian Järlsberg.

Mike:   Old Mother Hubbard
Went for some rubbers
To give her poor pussy a bone.
But nobody cared
To stick it up there
Because she's a rancid old crone.

Kate:   Little Miss Muffet
Went to Ibiza
And feasted on drugs and on beer.
She met a young fellow
Whose discharge was yellow.
It turned out he had gonorrhoea.

Mike:   Hey diddle diddle
The cat had a widdle,
The cow did a steaming great poo.
The little dog laughed
And started to barf
Then choked and got turned into glue.

Kate:   Mary had a little ham,
Some bread and margarine.
She lay the bread upon a plate
And placed the ham between.

Boss Super Mike:   Ride a cock horse
Into Kings Cross
To see a fine lady
Swig bottles of Boss.
With stains on her gusset
And lice on her cunt
She'll do a trick
For a tenner up front.

Kate:   Ding dong bell!
Pussies in the well!
That explains!
The fishy smell!

Mike:   Doctor Foster
Drank some Boss to
Get pissed out of his brain.
He went for a piddle
But pissed on a griddle
And burnt his nob - now he's in lots of pain.

Kate:   Baa baa black sheep
Have you any arse?
Yes sir, yes sir!
Lick my cunt.

Kate & Mike - November 1997

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