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Tales From Beyond The Enchanted Prong Hills

The Prince Of Fresh Fruit


Page 3


"Look at the king!" commanded the prince.
The people glanced hesitantly in the direction of their sovereign.
"Do you see a pitch fork?" demanded the prince.
The people mumbled nervously amongst themselves.
"Well?" pressed the prince, "What do you see?"
Again the people showed reluctance to reply.
"You!" said the prince pointing at the blacksmith, "What does your king look like?"
"Er," responded the blacksmith, "It's difficult to get the parts these days."
"Oh, for Christ's sake!"
Then a little boy chirped up from the front of the crowd.
"The king," he began, "looks like . . . the king!"
Suddenly everyone cheered.
"The king looks like the king!" they chanted, "The king looks like the king!"
The king smiled and the archers disarmed their bows. Eventually the people settled down and the king beckoned the prince to approach his throne.
"You see," said the prince to the court, "It was not the king who had the affliction but the courtiers. They had been taking too much acid and the word trousers triggered a flashback which made the king look, to them, like a pitch fork."
"I see," said the king, "But why did the archers miss the plums and hit the courtiers? My archers are the finest marksmen in the land."
"Indeed they are, your majesty," replied the prince, "and it was their skill that I needed to utilise to bring my plan into, ahem, fruition*. You see, the arrow-heads are made of ostrich bronze and your castle lies on a major ley line of high negative flux. As every schoolboy knows, if ostrich bronze moves through a negative flux within the vicinity of a maraschino soaked peeled plum a lateral force is exerted upon the projectile in the direction of the Cartesian product of the vectors of the ley line and the plum, in this case downwards. Consequently, the archers hit the courtiers."
"Bravo," cheered the king, "The fruit prince has saved my kingdom!"
"Yes," continued the prince, "If only people would take more fresh fruit and fewer class A drugs the world would be a much healthier place."
And with that he displayed before the crowd his shield on which was painted his family's coat of arms - a rampant banana triumphing over a defeated acid tab. Below the crest a heraldic ribbon sported the prince's motto Ascorbic Nil Lysergic.
"Vitamin C not L.S.D." the prince cried to the crowd and the people repeated his wise words in a chant.


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The Prince Of Fresh Fruit
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