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Tales From Beyond The Enchanted Prong Hills

The Prince Of Fresh Fruit


Page 4


"And now," spoke the prince once more, "I claim my reward; your kingdom and half your daughter's hand in marriage."
Princess Daughter stepped forward.
"Brave prince," she said, "You have proved yourself worthy of the office of my father's kingdom. But there is one more requirement you must fulfill before you can have me."
"Is there?" queried the king.
"Yes daddy, remember," she said, and then whispered to the king, "my affliction."
"Oh yes, of course. Equerry!"
"Yes sire," responded the equerry.
"Fetch the royal camel."
"Yes sire."
Shortly, the equerry returned with the king's favourite camel.
"Now then, Prince Vitamin C," said the king, "All you have to do is feel this camel's ankle and tell me what you think."
"Your majesty?" queried the prince.
"It's all right," said the king, "It's well trayned. It won't hurt you."
Slightly puzzled, the prince obliged and crouched down beside the beast taking one of its ankles in his hands.
"Well?" said the king.
"Well, it's a bit hairy," replied the prince.
"Of course it's hairy. It's a camel!"
"I didn't mean it as a criticism."
"So, what did you mean it as?"
"Um, well, you know. It's a fine ankle for a camel."
"But do you like it?"
"I don't think I'd go out with a girl with an ankle like that."
"But on the camel?"
"It's fine on the camel."
"You like it on the camel?"
"Well, yes."
"Does it feel good on the camel?"
"Erm, I suppose it does, yes."
"Sire!" cried the executioner bringing his twenty three stone body sharply to attention.
"Take this man away and behead him immediately!"
"Eh, what?" gibbered the prince.
"You heard," said the king sternly, "My daughter has a severe aversion toward men who like the feel of camels' ankles. I've met your sort before. You waltz in here with your posh horse and your fresh fruit and think you can get off with my daughter when all the time you have this fetish for camels' ankles."
"But I didn't know!"
"You would if you'd been in this story from the first paragraph," said the king, "But, oh no, couldn't be bothered until you heard about the reward. Off with his head!"
The executioner grasped the prince in a headlock and marched him out to the courtyard.
"But wait," protested the prince, "I can cure her of it! All I need is a pound of kumquats, three Granny Smith's, a water melon and a cauliflower . . . oh shit, that's a vegetable."

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Mike - January 1995

The Prince Of Fresh Fruit
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