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Shiterati: Pooclub Poetry - Vol 1.
Disappointments On The Underground

Disappointments On The Underground

To stop my Tube ride in the morning
Being so mind-numbingly boring
That at times my jawbone hurts
I look up seated ladies' skirts.

I look in hope of getting a flash
Of naked hairy juicy gash
To send my mind into a trance
But what I see is mostly pants.


There's a lot to be said
For lying in bed.

Song For Jiffy Condoms

Song For Jiffy Condoms

Put a little Jiffy
on his little stiffy
put on a little Jiffy
when the bloke comes in.

Or he'll be a daddy
or you'll be a mummy
put on a little Jiffy
When the bloke comes in

Thai Food

Thai food,
Better than Typhoid.


Central heating is great
And radiators are good.
They make you warm and cosy
No more burning wood

Radiators are great
Unless you are a fool.
Cos If you don't turn them on
Then they're only cool.

Sunday Afternoon All Alone Poos Blues

Nobody's here on a weekend
Pooclub is all poo free
I'm feeling a bit of a dickend
Because nobody's here but me.

It's a really lovely Sunday
I should go out for a walk
But I can't wait 'til Monday
For my dose of dirty talk.

I want to write something witty
I'd love to say something rude
Like twat and arse and shitty
I want to be really crude.

I want to go on about knob cheese
Fannies that ponk of fish
Farts and snot and jobbies
And wellies full of pish.

I want to sing of floppy baps
Of piles and pints of cum
Of gonorrhea and rectal prolapse
And poo in the hairs on your bum.

I want to insult the French in ways
No one else has even thought of
I want Lisa not to post on Sundays
Now she's gone and spoiled it sort of.

Well I'm not alone there's life out there
Although it is a Yank
The god of poo answered my prayer
So I'm off to have a bath

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