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Curry Poem

Curry Poem

Curry, curry
Curry curry curry
Curry, curry
Curry curry curry.

When you're feeling low and glum
Put tandoori in your tum.
Had some yesterday,
Now I'm feeling bright and gay.

Hotter than a hot thing,
Longer than a piece of string,
Nan like a duvet,
Saw one in a movie.

For a laugh
Eat it in the bath.
Get chili on your willy,
You would feel very silly.

Chocolate Poem

Chocolate is fine, it is good.
Eat it when you think you should.
Have some when it's hot
And when it's not.

Spread it on the road like tar,
Lick it up when you're in the car,
Fill a swimming pool with Rolo
Great for playing water polo.

Buy a box the size of a house,
Share it with a mouse.
Buy it by the kilogram
Have it instead of ham, jam, Spam and lamb.

Chocolate is the spawn of the Devil,
He is my friend I call him Neville.
Eat this grub
In the company of Beelzebub.

Wine Poem

Fine wine, divine.
Grow it on a vine,
Give us vin
Young man.

Make it in a vat
And drink it out of that.
Make it in Spain
You won't see any in Constable's 'Hay wain'

Nerd Poem

Call me meek,
Call me a geek.
Glad to be a nerd,
It's not a bad word.

Pleased to be a propeller head,
Probably never get wed.
Hell, I'm quite self-sufficient,
Who gives a jot about being socially deficient?

All the people I have met
Are on the Internet.
It would be terrific
To surf elsewhere like in the Pacific.

I've got plans
To download hi-res scans
Of women with no kit on
Hang off a mountain by a piton.

Cat Poem

If you drop a cat from height
It will always land upright.
They are for sure effete
But they land on their feet.

Surely this is a metaphor for the species,
Felix domestica does just what it pleases.
They are the premier beast
In my house at least.

Other animals lead lives of trial
Pussy Cat would run a mile.
Let's compare the being of this chap
With animals whose existence is crap:

When Ptarmigan lives in cold glen
Cat sits in front of the fire, then
Poor Rabbit must eat its own poo,
Cat once put a worm in my shoe.

In waters dank and drab live Bream,
Cat has two helpings of cream.
On our plate is the fate 'Des boeuf et mouton'
Cat sleeps upon his futon.

Porcupine, Spiny Anteater and Hedgehog have itchy prickles,
Cat lies on his back for tickles.
For Dog disobedience is a sin,
Cat tortures Small Bird and Mouse for a grin.

Sex Poem

Enough hormones to sink a cruiser,
Ended up down the boozer.
Sex, to be really frank,
Usually is just a wank.

It's said to be given by God
Which is odd.
That such a source of torment
Should be heaven sent.

If you're feeling a little frisky
Drink whisky.
If for a shag you gag
Light up a fag.

We all hope for brilliant sex
With or without special effects.
Normally it's pretty tame,
Your inhibition is to blame.

Often it goes too fast.
Mind you once I had a blast.
It was just bloody fantastic.
Now I am a sexual spastic.

Resting Poem

Lying on the sofa
What a lofa
Need to chill out in a big way
It may take a week or a day.

Watching cable TV in the afternoon
I'll nod off fairly soon
The Cartoon Channel I find best
If one needs a big rest.

Lounging around in tee shirt and shorties
Tom and Jerry from the early fifties and late forties
Although it might be fine and sunny
I'll fester indoors with Bugs Bunny.

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