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"The jewellery that comes from his family jewels"

Able Seaman Nigel Christian
"Being in the Navy I spend a lot of time away from my beloved Sharon and I worry that she might shag around a bit. Now I've given her the perfect keepsake I know she'll never go for any other seamen."
- Able Seaman Nigel Christian
Advertising Feature

Give Her A Sample Of Your Love

Sperm Pendant
Sperm Pendant™ - an imaginative alternative to a pearl necklace
Looking for a truly original gift for your girlfriend? Is she tired of flowers, chocolates and Titanic DVDs? Wondering how you're going to match the lock of pubic hair she gave you last Valentine's Day?

Well, why not give her something really personal? The Sperm Pendant™ is a small bottle on a necklace which you fill with your own jizz. Imagine her delight at being able to wear your baby gravy proudly on her chest without it dribbling down her jugs.

Sperm Pendant™ is a perfect gift to leave her if you're going away for a while. You'll be able to go on that business trip, bible study retreat, or war, with that warm feeling that your spunk is still against her bosom - a perpetual virtual tit wank!

Some slapper called Candice
"My boyfy giv me this pendant fingy when 'e fucked off ter uni. I tell yer, it were fuckin' useful when I found I'd forgotten ter put salt on me chips."
- Candice, Southend-on-Sea
We went to Southend to test public reaction to the Sperm Pendant™. Josie, a receptionist for a dogfood manufacturer told us she got a lot of interest from people she showed it off to in her local pub. "All me mates want one now," she said afterwards, "'Cos it's a bit like being engaged but it's not."

Brenda the barmaid asked us, "Can I 'ave one ter give to my bloke? I want to fill mine wiv me menstral juices."

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