Up On The Deal


Tits, tits, lovely tits
Bouncing for my pleasure.
Up and down, to and fro,
What a splendid treasure.

Gazing from my window
I watch the tits at play
Bobbing, swinging, dancing,
I could keep it up all day.

Tits of striking colours,
Tits of black and white
But the tits I like the best are those
That pop out in the night

On a chilly winter's morning
I do admire so
The firm stance of the noble tits
As they stand out in the snow.

Today perhaps I'll catch some
And hold them in my mits
And gently stroke and fondle them
Oh, how I do love tits.

Blue Tit
Owed To Ayrton

Owed To Ayrton

Ayrton Senna
Lent me a tenner
But he died at the wheel
So I'm up on the deal.


When skies are dark and clouds are grey,
When winds purloin the new mown hay,
When rain beats down on hill and vale,
And oaks bow in the raging gale,

When thunder roars its fearsome ire,
When lightning strikes the chapel spire,
When darkness falls and all looks grim,
It's time to bring the washing in.

Hills Bills

Hills Bills

Graham Hill
Sent me a bill
But I didn't pay 'im
'Cos he was decayin'.

Boris Et Al

Boris Et Al

There once was a man called Boris
Who knew someone who was called Morris
Who knew someone called Doris
Who knew someone called Norris
Who knew somebody else who's called Zorris.

One Pound Stirling

One Pound Stirling

Stirling Moss
Got very cross
'Cos I owed him a pound
So he sent the boys round.


A pervert whose wife was called Trish
Once had a peculiar wish
He took off his jacket
And got out his packet
And asked her to smack it
With fish.

Today's Poem

Wrote another poem
It wasn't very good,
So I threw it away.

This one's turning out
Much better.
I'll probably send it to Kate
In a letter.

September 1995 - December 1997

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