Boss Super - The cheapest way to get drunk in Leeds.
Did you know...?
the word 'Shite' derives from the Anglo-Saxon 'scitan', and first appears in English around 1300. 'Shit' is directly derived therefrom, appearing some 200 years later.
The Origin Of Shite
- Mike explains how it started
Once upon a time there was a sweet little girl who lived in a beautiful city called Leeds. One day she decided that she was tired of dossing about on the dole so she went to London to study classics. Unfortunately, when she arrived there she found that studying entailed attending lectures, reading text books and writing theses. Sodding that for a game of soldiers, she returned to Leeds where, no longer having a place to live, she arrived cold, hungry and destitute at the doorstep of a benevolent friend.
That little girl was called Kate and the benevolent friend was myself. Fortunately I had a spare room in my house and so was able to accommodate the prodigal poet. Much jubilation ensued and the Boss Super flowed plentifully. Due to Kate's financial situation a rent based on upon fiscal remuneration was considered to be an unviable proposition and so it was agreed that payment for aforesaid accommodation should be fixed at one poem per day. And thereafter, each day, Kate would stomp into my room, down a few cans of Boss Super, and pick up a pen and a pad of paper and pay her rent.
These payments were then collated, type-set and bound into a book which was to be hailed by all who dared to delve inside its cover as Shite. Entitled Momp Momp Cark, this was a much misunderstood book largely because people tended to regard it (admittedly as its cover professed) as an anthology of poetry, prose and short stories rather than its true identity - a rent book. This probably explains why I seem to appear in it so frequently. How many of us can hand-on-heart say that we have never felt the urge to write deep and meaningful poetry about our landlords? Not many, that's for sure.
Few people have viewed Kate's rent and not been affected by it in some way. For me, it was the source of inspiration which spawned The Prince Of Fresh Fruit and not, as many would like to believe, intoxicating liquor and psychoactive drugs. Shortly after this, I too was lured to the Big Smoke, but not sharing Kate's natural homing instinct I have failed to find my way back to Leeds. Nonetheless, strong links still remained between these two great cities, links along which the fruits of our muses passenged at a prodigious rate, ultimately to be bound into the multitude of Volumes which increasing numbers of people have begged us not to supply them with anymore.
And supply them no more we will. For now we have Shitespace! Shite's going on-line has opened up our literature to a global readership. The number of emails we have to cope with each day is just staggering, and we will get round to replying to each and every one. God bless the internet.
The work that Kate and I have produced has affected some people in such a way that they have felt compelled to produce Shite of their own. We welcomed these people to our bosom, and their beautiful words can be found in the Shiterati section.
People often ask me "Mike, what is the secret to writing Shite?" * Well, the answer is that there is no secret. All you have to do is simply not think too much about what you're doing. Shite cannot be produced out of force of will; it should flow naturally from the bowel. In many ways it is like falling asleep or getting an erection. Once you start trying to use your brain then you're heading in the wrong direction. The only real advice I can offer is this little ditty that Shim wrote:
* This is actually a lie - no one has shown the slightest interest.
The Origin Of Shite - Kate's version of events
Yup, it's pretty much the way Mike put it.
Further information on The Shite can be gleaned from:
- What Is Shite?
- Crappalot Says . . .
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