Be careful what you wish for
Or you might find it comes true.
There's one more thing that I have not
Yet disclosed to you.
The reason why I know these things
As you're about to see
Is, one day what I spoke about
Did just occur to me.
In Islington's fair borough
I dined in a French restaurant.
And as I went to have a piss
A Froggy bloke did come along.
And as I held my old chap
Whilst standing at the urinal,
I caught him staring in my eyes
And knew my days were final.
For now I saw his eyes glow red
And horns sprout from his head.
His teeth grew long and pointy
And his dark wings they did spread.
I ejaculated, "Oh, my God!
I see you are the Beast!
I thought you were a Frenchman!
Or Belgian at the least."
He said, "Indeed, and such I am,
But only those like me,
Other Frenchy people, can
Our true appearance see."
"But I'm not French!" I did complain.
"How come I see your form?"
He laughed an evil cackle,
"Mon ami, that's where you're wrong..."
He then produced a baguette
Of an improbable size
Which he wielded like a weapon.
I could not believe my eyes.
"Haw he haw he haw he haw!"
Was all he'd now impart
As he thrust his mighty stick of bread
Straight into my heart.
A cloud of crumbs then showered me
I fell onto the floor
I felt that I was changing
And I was English no more.
I staggered back up to my feet
And, boy, how I did reek.
But I smiled upon the Frenchman
And I kissed him on both cheeks.
So, haw he haw he haw he haw
Now I am a Frenchman,
And Kate, my mate, it is your fate
That you will be my henchman.
It's far to late to run, so
Don't be a silly wench.
Feel the thrust of my baguette -
I'm about to make you French!
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