But up from the ashes our hero did rise,
And boy did those Israelis get a surprise!
When Jesus strolled in to their town quite OK,
"What is going on now?" The people did say.
My tale's almost over, but "How?" you might ask,
How did he do this incredible task?
And rise from the dead if he wasn't God's son,
Oh how did he do it? Oh tell us! Go on!
OK then, my friends, it's quite simple you see
Remember The Shark? From just after Book Three?
He had a quite rancid and vile looking daughter?
Who fancied our man? Gave him access to water?
Well the woman had seen that her man could be killed,
So the water with acid she'd secretly filled,
And not only the water that came from the tap,
But all kinds of water she'd filled with that crap.
The bottles of water you get from a store,
Had also been spiked by that mad evil whore,
She'd taken off lids and slipped hard drugs in.
Yes, you guessed it. Her name was Mary Magdalene!
And so even Herod was fucked off his tree,
And the people again believed Jesus was He,
And our hero was laughing and raking in dosh,
And the water supply of hard drugs was awash.
And so ends our saga of horrible badness,
It's just how it happened, what terrible madness!
Our saviour was not our Lord's son, it is true.
He was a crappy old hippy. And not even a Jew.
The Gospel According To Kate
Chapter 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
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