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Paddock And Chips

"He's just a poor boy from a poor family, spare him his life from this horse trough of tea," sang Freddie Mercury in Queen's classic 1975 hit "Bohemian Rhapsody".

For Freddie knew full well the punishment that was meted out in the olden days to young boys who were caught by the local constabulary scrumping apples or killing a man by putting a gun against his head, pulling the trigger, now he's dead.

They were forced to drink a horse trough full of tea. If the offence was particularly severe, the magistrate would stipulate that the tea be served without milk or sugar. Such a punishment has now been outlawed since it was discovered that the volume of a horse trough was typically greater than that of a small boy. It was thought that this was the reason why so many of them exploded.

This all reminds me of a prank I once played when I was a scampish young foal. I had sneaked into the farmer's lounge, crapped all over the sofa, chewed the Axminster rug and pissed on the three flying ducks that were artistically arranged in formation above the mantlepiece.

When the farmer came out to ask if I was responsible, I said, "No, it wasn't me. It was the Palomino in the next field."

So, he took the Palomino away and gave it a sound flogging. Upon his return, the Palomino looked at me menacingly and said, "You're no pal o' mine, oh!"

Well, we just had to laugh because, you see, he was right! I wasn't a Palomino, but he was!

Much neighing and nuzzling went on that night, I can tell you!

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