The French
Kate & Mike

Part 7



Mike:   Oh yes, in fact it's worse than that,
The French aren't what they seem.
They're alien subterranean beings
Like from your darkest dreams.
They come up to the surface
Where they plant their evil spawn
In the bodies of us humans
So their offspring will be born.

They'll eat the healthy foetus
Of a pregnant mother's womb
To give their own foul issue
More gestation room.
The creature then procedes to eat
Its host's internal parts
'Til it occupies the body whole,
Not needing to depart.

It's now become a Frenchman
And its diet remains gory.
We've seen the things it feeds upon
Earlier in this story,
And that is why they're so grotesque
And eat such obscene things,
And that is why they've secretly
Got pointy teeth and wings.

Kate:   Oh what a crock of horse shit Mike,
Pointy Teeth indeed!
We all know that the French are not
A gross, unnatural breed!
Why, all the French that come to mind
Are creatures of great beauty!
Let me tell you what I mean -
I feel it is my duty.

Isobel Adjani? is she French?
Well she's al-bleedin'-right,
And Beatrice Dall is fit as well,
Although her films are shite,
And Bridget Bardot springs to mind,
SHE'S not a big fat moo,
And that bloke from Leon was quite cute,
And Gerard Dippity-Doo.

Serge Gainsbourg, Chris Lambert,
Even Hercules Poirot,
None of them are super-fit,
But not bad either though,
They defo don't have pointy teeth,
My God, I ask you, please!
And if more proof is needed,
Well look at Vanessa Paradis!

She's bloody shagging Johnny Depp!
The lucky, lucky bitch,
And anyone who shags that man,
Is NOT a gnarled old witch,
And what about Ginola?
Do you think he's rancid too?
A thousand ladies cream their pants,
When he comes into view.

And what about the porno stars?
The large-lipped pouting chicks?
With low-cut tops and crotchless pants,
They perform impressive tricks,
The men are firm and so well hung,
Their buttocks hard when clenched,
Oh how I wish, I really do,
That I could just get frenched.

 
The French
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