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Tales From Beyond The Enchanted Prong Hills

The Prince Of Fresh Fruit

Mike

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Once upon a time in the land beyond the Enchanted Prong Hills lived a wise and jolly old king called Farnsborough. He had a beautiful daughter called Daughter* who had a severe aversion toward men who liked the feel of camels' ankles. The king also had an unusual peculiarity. He suffered from an affliction which, although mild and not a serious threat to his kingdom, was beginning to interfere with his jolliness and consequently became a considerable source of irritation. The affliction was this. Whenever he used or heard the word trousers he took on, from his courtiers' point of view, the appearance of a pitch fork.
Now, being jolly this would not have unduly perturbed him but being wise he realised that as a king such an affliction was beginning to undermine his authority. All attempts to cure him had failed. The alchemist could not concoct a suitable potion, the wizard could not cast an effective spell and the blacksmith said that it was difficult to get the parts these days. However, the jester had remarked that due to the affliction the king had proved to be remarkably useful when it came to mucking out the horses.
The only effective remedy that had been employed was an idea proposed by The Bishop With No Name and that was to prohibit the use of the word trousers throughout the entire kingdom.
Unfortunately, since trousers were the main crop and staple diet of the people of Farnsborough's Kingdom, much famine had ensued due to the trouser farmers being unable to negotiate the sale of their produce.
In desperation, the king announced that he would offer as a reward to anyone who could cure his affliction, his kingdom and half his daughter's hand in marriage. In response to this proclamation there rode into the land a noble prince from the Plains Of High Tea. The prince had acquired a reputation for performing mighty deeds of a fruity nature and had consequently earned himself the appellation Prince Vitamin C. It came as little surprise to the people of Farnsborough's Kingdom when the fruity prince announced his juicy plan that would allow them once more to speak openly about their crops.
"Good people of Farnsborough's Kingdom," spoke the prince to the gathering of townspeople, "I want each one of you to go down to the green grocer's and buy a plum."
A tide of awe rolled over his audience. Why had they not thought of the plum gambit themselves?
"Tonight," he continued, "you must peel your plum, leave it to soak in maraschino overnight and bring it to the castle gates at first cock crow."
Excitedly, the people charged down the narrow Street Of Toast to the local shops. By the end of the day, the green grocer had sold out of plums, the supermarket was out of maraschino and the jester had been executed.

*The king lacked imagination when called upon to name anything.

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The Prince Of Fresh Fruit
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