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Time Zones
If you've found this page, chances are you've seen the funny
looking 4 digit figure after the time on the menu bar and wondered
what that's all about.
Well, that's known as a "timezone".
Timezones are areas of the world where it is the same time, but
the time is different in a different timezone.
Now, your immediate reaction to this is going to be, "That's
ridiculous! How can it be a different time somewhere else?"
The sad reality is that this is true. For example, you can be in
London at 7 o'clock in the morning but it can be 3 o'clock in
the afternoon in Hong Kong - at the same time!
The reason for this is the ludicrous shape that the earth has been
made into.
It's a sphere, for Christ's sake!
Now, anyone with any sense wouldn't even consider making a round
world, but the reasons why the world is the shape it is are,
like so many other reasons, historical.
In 1492, an avid tea drinker by the name of Christopher Columbus
became increasingly pissed off by the long distance he had to
travel to India to get a decent cup of tea that he petitioned
the Vatican for an easier way to get there.
"If we were to make the world round," he explained to the pope,
"I could just nip round the back way without having to go that
arse about route round Africa, and bring back lots of really nice
tea."
The pope being a tea drinker himself concurred and in his next
board meeting with God, they drew up plans for a new, totally
spherical earth which God put into action with immediate effect.
But God is a mischievous little so-and-so and although He did
indeed offer Christopher Columbus an alternative route to India,
He plonked a bloody huge new continent in the way which was an
even bigger bugger to get round than Africa.
But the redesign of the earth had further consequences.
Instead of dropping off the edge of the world, explorers now
had the problem that if they went to the bottom bit of the
world, they'd naturally fall off anyway.
It wasn't until the invention of gravity by Sir Isaac Newton
that explorers could sail to places like Australia.
And of course another problem is the one we see here, where
people from different parts of the world can visit this web
site but it's a totally different time, and sometimes a totally
different day, from what it is here in Stuff Today.
This is why when you see the time displayed on the menu bar,
it could very well appear to be wrong to you.
But it's actually right to us, because we're in the timezone
shown on the menu bar but you could be in a completely different
one.
So, here at Stuff Today, we're putting forward a two stage plan
to resolve this problem. Stage One: we will allow you to set
your own timezone on our site so that it displays the right
time for you. This, of course, is not the most ideal solution
as it requires manual input from yourself our client, when we
should be perfectly capable of doing something as simple as
telling you the time. Also, this is prone to error and open to
abuse - what if someone enters the wrong timezone!
Stage Two: we will flatten the earth out again.
Naturally, this is a long term project and that is why we need
to implement Stage One as a temporary solution.
But we think you will agree that this is necessary.
Nobody had any of these timezone problems on their web sites
before 1492 and we don't see why anyone should have to put up
with it here in the 21st millennium.
Also, that continent that got in Christopher Columbus's way
is of no value to the rest of the world, so we'll get rid of
that in the process.
Reflattening the earth will be a huge project and we would
welcome any help we can get.
If you wish to help, whether you're good at digging or would
like to join our campaign for a flatter earth, please write to
us at this address:
Together we can knock the world back into shape.
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