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Washing Up In The Nude

Washing Up In The Nude

When Sarah does the dishes
She's as naked as the fishes.
Before she grabs that cloth
She throws her clothes right off.
And when she's done this strip,
Her crockery she'll dip
Into the frothing bowl
At the level of her hole.
As you admire her ass
She'll deftly rinse a glass.
Gaze upon her jugs
And she'll scrub her coffee mugs.
And in this state of nudity
She'll scour her pans of bits of crudités.
Then dry them with great care
On her bounteous pubic hair.

So let us all join Sarah
And become a little barer.
Get into the pink
As you approach the kitchen sink.
Now there's no more trouble
When you swirl those foaming bubbles
That everybody loathes
When they splash and wet your clothes.
Wash up in the nuddy
With your partner or a buddy;
All that bare-skin flesh'll
Make washing up so special.
It could become quite fashionable
To do this job au naturel.
There's really nothing rude
About washing up in the nude.

A Tribute To Dermot Morgan

A Tribute To Dermot Morgan

Dermot Morgan
Lent me an organ
But he died of a heart attack
So I didn't have to give it back.

Ode On Sarah's Birthday

There is nothing like a friend
To help you when you're low
And to make you feel better
When wrong your life does go

There's nothing like your friendship
You always understand,
And free me from my sadness
With the warmness of your hand.

Oh, Sarah Sarah Sarah
I just want you to know
I'm grateful for your friendship
And that I love you so.

So happy birthday honey.
Sing! Rejoice! And dance!
And forget your tits aren't very big
And your twat's the size of France.

My Favourite Colour

My Favourite Colour

The colours of the rainbow are all very well
But they are not my favourites, for reasons I'll tell
They're bright and they are happy, they're shiny and they're true
But they are not my favourites, with their garish hue

I like beige

The green of the hills and the blue of the sky
The yellow of daffodils all passes me by
Even with their primary hues that make some people smile
There's only one colour that I think's worthwhile

I like beige

The orange of ice lollies and the red of the rose
Indigo and violet are alright I suppose
But there's only one colour I'll really applaud
For it's the one shade of which I'll never get bored

I like beige

Being Homeless

It's briliant being homeless
As long as you've got friends
Pyjama parties, dinner dates
The fun it never ends
They invite you round for dinner
And make you cups of tea
It helps if you're looking thinner
They'll have lots of sympathy
They put you up on the sofa
Buy you cocktails in Harvey Nicks
They don't realise you're just a loafer
And it's how you get your kicks
They'll listen to you moan and cry
Providing all the booze
They'll fetch and carry tea and fags
Oh, what a wondrous rouse!
They'll blow your nose and dry your eyes
And nod while you are moping
They never seem to get too wise
As you pretend that you aren't coping
You can use the phone and use the bath
And, as you please, you can come and go
As long as you don't ever laugh
They'll never ever know!
So when you're feeling bored of life
And need to make amends
Just leave your boyfriend (or your wife!)
And sponge off all your friends!

Transcending Pizza

Tai Chi, yoga, spiritually firming
Pilates, stretches, feel my spirit yearning
And now my mind and soul are clear
It's time to ring the Pizzeria

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