With hundreds of hippies believing his crap,
Young Jesus grew into a popular chap!
Word spread and the people (who were rather thick),
All wanted to suck on his Jesus Christ dick.
By day and by night they did follow his word,
Quite blind to the fact it was nothing but turd,
When he walked they would walk, where he sat they would sit,
And NONE of them noticed it was a crock of warm shit.
Jesus's grin spread all over his face,
Unaware his behaviour was such a disgrace,
He just counted his money and revelled in fame,
Free from the constraints of guilt or of shame.
By night down the alleyways, hooded and dark,
Our hero would trot to the home of The Shark,
A nasty man who was protected by thugs,
To buy lots and lots and lots of drugs.
The Shark was repulsive, and so was his daughter,
But she worked for the council, in charge of the water,
So Jesus would flirt with her; give her the eye,
'Til she gave him the keys to the water supply.
Oh yes, Jesus' plan was quite dreadful - the pits!
Pretty soon all of Israel were tripped off their tits,
And when he said "Look! Look at me! I am flying!"
They were all just too bollocksed to know he was lying.
He magicked some fishes, turned water to gin,
And no-one in Israel suspected a thing,
Unaware were these folk of the devilish prank,
And our saviour was laughing all the way to the bank.
This went on for some time, and his fame grew and grew,
They crowned him their king, and he wasn't a Jew!
They thought he had come down to save their poor souls,
But he just wanted cash for girls dancing round poles.
But like all good things, Jesus' fortune was doomed,
And not far in the distance misfortune loomed,
It came in the shape of King Herod of Mauritius,
Who never drank tap water, and soon grew suspicious.
The Gospel According To Kate
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