Mike, Oh Mike, Oh Mikey,
I hear you - and you're right!
But I have a small confession -
I ate frogs' legs the other night!
It was so very scary
As they came upon a plate,
And we were forced to eat them -
But boy did they taste great!
Salty, warm and spicy,
And yummy as can be.
Oh how I wished that frogs
Could have more legs, maybe three?
So I could eat more of them,
Those lovely little things,
Much nicer than prawn cocktail,
Or spicy chicken wings.
So it seems the French have something right,
By eating legs off frogs,
And next time I'm in a Chinese joint,
I'll have a bash at dogs,
And when I go Japanese-style,
It's monkey brains for me!
Oh I'm so happy, full of joy!
And French I'd gladly be.
Treachery and treason!
Your ill-found fondness of the French
Is truly beyond reason.
Don't be French! Don't be French!
You'll soon be eating dung.
And when you're going for a snog
You'll have to use your tongue!
And when you go to have a shit
You stand up in the wet,
And then you squirt your arsehole
With an ice cold water jet.
And then they get a ten foot pole
And ram it up your arse
And get the local rugby team
To felch you with Mars bars.
And then they'll get a ferret
And they'll shove it up your twat
And rub into your eyes and ears
The semen of a cat.
And then they strip you naked
And procede to make you drink
A cup of armadillo bile
And lymph and phlegm. (I think.)
Do they really chew on semen?
Mmm, I'm not sure I would try.
Their frogs legs were quite lovely
But less salty and more dry,
And chewy like some chicken,
Not all slimey like some snot.
The French can keep their semen!
No, I'd really rather not.
And if they DO eat semen,
Perhaps they don't stop there!
D'you think they dine on Arse of Duck
Sliced thinly and served rare?
Or maybe Tit of Cow they'd eat,
All wobbly in a dish,
Or monkeys' sputum in a sauce,
Atop a stinking fish.
Do they really eat used bog roll?
And vomit, shit and bile?
Do they chew each others' logs then?
Are they really quite that vile?
Are they really quite that filthy?
My God! The dreadful stench!
Those rancid, putrid, horrid,
Nasty, shitty, crappy French!
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