Never Eat Anything That Doesn't Begin With 'C'

Once I was asked what my favourite foods were. I immediately answered "cheese, chocolate, curry... in fact anything that begins with 'C'".

Prior to this, I hadn't noticed that my top three favourite comestibles all began with the letter 'C' and as I pondered this I soon discovered that many other foods of which I'm particularly fond also begin with 'C'. Cake, chips, chicken, coffee, carrots, courgettes, cucumber, celery, cress, couscous, corn flakes, capsicums, casseroles, crisps, cherries, clementines, cabbage, Cointreau, cauliflower, chili sauce, Czech lagers, "Chomp" bars, cantaloupes, champagne, and cocktails.

Anyway, as a result of this revelation, the next time I was to host a dinner party I decided I was going to make it a theme dinner party, the theme being, yes you've guessed it - things that begin with 'C'. The starter was cantaloupe melon with cherries. Main course: chicken couscous with carrots, celery, capsicums, and ciabatta. Dessert: chocolate cake, cheese and crackers, coffee (with cream) and chocolates. The wine was a Chilean Cabernet Sauvignon with a brand name which I can't remember but it began with 'C' and we started off with a bottle of champagne.

The only thing that spoiled it was the names of the people I invited. Sadly, I didn't have any friends whose names began with 'C'. Most of the people I knew in those days had names which began with 'S'. This was a bit annoying because it meant that I couldn't easily navigate my way through their numbers on my mobile phone.

There seemed to be some purpose to this editorial when I started writing it but for the life of me I can't think what it was. Maybe I was setting out to prove that even with a dietry constraint of only eating things which begin with a certain letter of the alphabet you can still eat a varied selection of things. Maybe there's some significance behind the letter 'C' - I do afterall enjoy eating cunt too. Or maybe the whole thing was just a silly idea and I should shut up about it.

Mike 11 Feb 2002

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