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Knick knack
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Celebrity Stiffs

We all love our celebrities, don't we? And it's hardly surprising considering the pleasure and entertainment they bring to our otherwise dreary little lives. Celebrities have become so important to us that we can scarcely imagine what life would be like without them.

But the harsh reality is that, just like everyone else, celebrities die. And whenever this happens we feel like a piece of us has been cruelly taken away, and although this gives us an opportunity to watch tributes to them on the telly, or re-runs of some of the greatest moments of their careers, it is scant compensation for the irrevocable loss we all feel.

The Shitespace authors too feel this pain, but despite their grief they invariably summon up the energy to pay tribute to a recently departed celebrity in order that it may be of some solace to the fans of the star in question. Such tributes are scattered liberally throughout the Shitespace anthologies, but here we have collated them together in one place which we have affectionately titled "Celebrity Stiffs".

We have compiled our tributes here in the poopages so that we may also present to you tributes that have been written by members of pooclub. We keep this page open as, horrific though the thought is, more celebrities will inevitably kick the bucket and so our collection of tributes will invariably grow.

We hope you will find some comfort in our words.

Shitespace Tributes

Owed To Ayrton
(Mike)

Ayrton Senna
Lent me a tenner
But he died at the wheel
So I'm up on the deal.

Hill's Bills
(Mike)

Graham Hill
Sent me a bill
But I didn't pay 'im
'Cos he was decayin'.

Linda McCartney
(Mike)

Linda McCartney
Invited me to a party
But she died of cancer
So I didn't have to answer.

J.F.K.
(Mike)

John F. Kennedy
Used to smoke ten a day
And he survived them all
But not the grassy knoll.

Father Ted
(Sarah)

Dermot Morgan
Lent me his organ
But he died of a heart attack
So I didn't have to give it back.

Other tributes in a different format:

Pooclub Tributes

Sarah: Cat Stevens
Had to call it evens
He wrote a good tune
But he was a loon
Mike: Janis Joplin
Took me shopping
But I'm no mug
So I spiked her with a drug.
Mike: Buddy Holly
Stole my brolly
I got caught in the rain
But he caught the plane...
Mike: Marvin Gaye
Tried it on with me one day
So I went and told his dad
And, boy, that made him mad.
Mike: The Queen Mum
Never looked glum
But at a hundred and two
Her smiling days were through.
Mike: Mother Teresa
We all had to praise 'er
Then that shrivelled walnut
One day was kaput.
Mike: Barry Sheen
Crashed his machine
They fixed up each leg
But he then died in bed.
Brian: Mr Barry Sheen
Made my furniture clean
But now he's dead
I'll have to use bees wax instead
Mike: Johnny Cash
Carried a stash
But did he go higher
Or into the burning ring of fire?
Brian: Johnny Cash
Made a dash
To see his maker
Via the undertaker
Kate: Johnny Cash
Smoked some hash
It made him eat sweeties
Now he's dead
From diabetes.


Not Dead Yet...

Joel: Engelbert Humpadink
took a crap in my sink
With a name like that
who cares where he shat
Joel: Tom Jones
has got old bones
he can still bang out a song
but probably not for long.
Ciaran: Art Garfunkel
Was not my uncle
He couldn't sing
But he sure did ming
Kate: Michael J Fox
Gave me the pox
My fanny is aching
But at least I'm not shaking
Brian: G-g-g-g-areth G-g-g-g-ates
He reckons he's g-g-g-reat
As a rock 'n' roller
But I think he should be an Air Traffic Controller


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Friday
24
November
2017


Who will be next?
Elton John
Cher
Richard Gere
Keith Richards
Barney (a man can dream...)

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