Gung Hey Fat Choy

Yes. A big "Gung Hey Fat Choy" to all our Chinese members today for today it is the Chinese New Year!

There are over a billion Chinese people in the world which is a bloody huge number and so it makes it practically impossible to know how many we have in pooclub. But whether a member or not, pooclub would like to wish a hearty Happy New Year to all the Chinese people everywhere.

This year it is the Year Of The Horse which means we can expect much neighing, snorting and hanging of heads over gates, and the pooclub rhubarb plot is expected to yield record crops. The Horse is traditionally associated with silliness, it having a comical face, an extensive variety of funny walks and it makes a ridiculously amusing sound for a creature of such size. Even the word "Horse" itself is funny. Try saying it slowly, concentrating purely on the sound of the word and ignoring any meaning of it.

This means that we can expect the Year Of The Horse to be frivolous, light-hearted and fun. This is a time for casting aside all the stressful things in our lives and simply having a damn good time instead.

Anyway, to commemorate the Chinese New Year, we're going to pay tribute to the Chinese people as a whole. They are a lot more fascinating than you'd think and have a remarkable history and a rich culture. So, here for your interest and enlightenment are ten facts about the Chinese which may not previously have been aware of.

Ten Interesting Facts About The Chinese

1. The Chinese were discovered by Marco Polo in 1423 when he wandered into Venice's Chinatown. Curious as to the origin of these people, he followed one of them endlessly until he was led to a strange new land called "China" where he was arrested as the world's first stalker.

2. Starting the year halfway through February has been a positive advantage to the cunning Chinese in that that they have sneakily been able to avoid a month and a half of the coldest weather of the year. This shortened year is no great loss to the Chinese as it perfectly suits their diminuitive stature.

3. The Chinese started to name their years after animals partly because they found numbers too boring but mostly because outsiders complained that all Chinese years looked the same to them. The Chinese, however, have benefitted enormously from having a zoological calendar in that they didn't have to go to all the palaver of converting their computer systems to a four digit year format in the run up to the Y2K crisis.

4. In 1997 China launched a pre-emptive invasion of Hong Kong which has been widely condemned as one of the world's most outrageous acts of not making the blindest bit of difference ever.

5. The Chinese are particularly famous for their food, especially their ability to make a dish out of a diverse variety of ingredients. So catholic is their cuisine that there are not enough words in their language to go round all the meals and so they use the redundant numbers that they don't need for their years. For example, number 1945 is a mixture of bean sprouts, cuttlefish, labrador, jellyfish, woodlice and monkey brains served with egg fried rice and goat's bile sauce. Chinese food is one of the finest cuisines in the world, after Indian that is, and Mexican. And Thai, and Greek, Italian and French. Vietnamese, Indonesian, Turkish, Lebanese, Portugese, Mongolian, Argentinian and Dutch. Swedish, Icelandic, Kalahari, Andorran, Belgian, Russian, Mozambique, Libyan, Estonian, Nicaraguan and Haitian. And Welsh.

6. There actually aren't 10 interesting facts about the Chinese. Honest, we're not making this up, and this isn't just some cop out to try to end this feature quickly in order to meet a publishing deadline. We really have told you everything there is to know about the Chinese.

So, once again, let's wish a Happy New Year to all our Chinese pooclubbers around the world. Without them, the world would be that little bit less Chinese.

Weather

Today it will be warm.

Have you read the latest Editorial by Mike Never Eat Anything That Doesn't Begin With 'C' Posted: Monday 11 February Feeling nostalgic? Browse the Editorial Back Catalogue

"Points Of View" Convention, BBC Studios (from 2:30pm) Featuring Barry Took impersonation pagent and Anne Robinson wink-alike competition. Weather: Today it will be Warm.

Today is a good day to quibble over something petty and a bad day to creosote the garden fence.

Shitespace proudly presents the Poem Of The Day: Spam Poo.

Poodate: 9206

It is a "Mediocre" day for pooclub.