Meat Is Good For You

Introduction

Vegetarianism is on the increase. Since 1986 the number of people living a meat-free existence has almost doubled. Manufacturers of vegetarian foods, such as Mintel, are drawing increasingly impressive profits, and the variety of meat substitute products has grown beyond comprehension. But is vegetarianism a good thing? What are the health benefits? Is eating meat really that bad for the animals? What about the environment?

In this essay I mean to demonstrate the benefits of a meat eating diet, and to blow the lid off the do-gooder vegetarian myth.

Health

Studies show that vegetarians:

1. Are plagued with more minor illnesses
2. Perform less well in the bedroom
3. Are less intelligent
4. Are less interesting conversationally
5. Are physically weaker
6. Are less successful

Statistically, more vegetarians get colds and flu than meat eaters. This is because they are starving their bodies of essential vitamins and minerals that cannot be found in tofu or cabbage. The human body has been designed to eat meat, and therefore it cannot function without it.

If you examine your teeth in a mirror, you will notice that they are very sharp and pointy. This is because we have been designed to chew meat. If you look at your hands you will see that you have opposable thumbs and four fingers. The reason our hands look this way is because we have been built to use weapons with them. Human beings are not naturally aggressive towards one another, so the only possible reason for having weapon-wielding hands is so that we can use them to kill things for food. Now look at your stomach. Is it rumbling? That’s because it is desperate for meat.

If we deprive our bodies of the things it needs in order to function, it will not perform properly. Our meat-eating teeth, unable to fulfil their intention, will simply die and drop out. Our thumbs, unable to wield anything more deadly than a pencil, will lie motionless and weak against out palms. Our bodies will become gaunt and thin, malnourished and pathetic. Eventually, we will die.

It is also a proven fact that many vegetarians suffer from impotence. This is due to several factors, such as low iron, lack of energy and poor oomph. These days, many doctors offer mince as a cure for impotency. Most vegetarians with impotency, or fertility problems, find their problems clear up after they’ve had a nice bit of meat inside them.

Humans need meat to power their brains. Certain chemicals reactions depend on the minerals found in meat in order to function correctly. Professor V Bake of Cambridge University performed a study on 100 vegetarians. Over the course of one month, he gave them a variety of sandwich spreads and then tested their brain function. Initially, he offered mushroom and tarragon spreads, or carrot and chick pea. Then, after two weeks, he secretly started to introduce calf’s liver pate and frois gras. As well as agreeing that the new spreads tasted better, more than two thirds of the participants were found to perform more efficiently in IQ tests. One remedial vegetarian was so impressed with his new-found skills that he immediately denounced his vegetable chomping ways and went on to become a member of MENSA.

It is also true that vegetarians can be rather dull. The human brain is a very complex thing, and certain bits of it which are responsible for being interesting can become infected if meat is not eaten. This can cause devastating effects such as idealistic fantasies, greying of the beard and an inability to talk about anything other than Delphi programming and folk music.

Vegetarians are also physically weaker than meat eaters. This is not surprising when you think about what meat actually is. Meat is made up almost entirely of protein, which is the very stuff body builders consume in order to gain muscle. Protein is found in meat, chicken, fish, dairy products and eggs. Small amounts of it are found in tofu and lentils and other vegetarian products, but these proteins are a different sort – they aid strength to a degree, but not in the animalistic way meat does. Body builders follow a diet rich in red meat, raw eggs and milk. If lentil bake and tofu burgers made you stronger, they would eat those instead. But they don’t.

In 1980, Dr V McNuggett of the Institute of Research in Philadelphia ran a study on 2000 laboratory rats. He bred them separately in two groups, feeding one group on pulses and grains, and the other on lard and beef dripping. After one year, Dr McNuggett put the two groups of rats together and watched. The group that was fed on pulses sat weakly in the corner of the cage, whereas the other group ran psychopathically amok, teeth bared, ripping the vegetarian rats to pieces in seconds, and gnawing on their flesh until they were nothing but bone and fluff. He concluded that vegetarianism encouraged cowardice and reduced strength, and wrote a detailed report which he sent to the president, warning of the dangers of vegetarianism in the event of war.

It is also true that vegetarians are less successful than meat eaters. A study was done of different professions, and whether dietary habits could have an impact on the kind of jobs people end up with. The results were staggering. These are just a few of the people studied:

Person / Job	Average Annual Salary	Vegetarian or Meat Eater
Tony Blair (UK Prime Minister)	£110,278	MEAT EATER
Arthur Jones (Cleaner, Prestatyn)	£6,200	VEGETARIAN
George Bush (President USA)	$420,000	MEAT EATER
Richard Branson (Head of VIRGIN)	Off the scale	MEAT EATER
Harold Dibbins (Dustman, Bognor Regis)	£7,450	VEGETARIAN
Des O'Connor (Major Celebrity)	£1.2 m	MEAT EATER
Madonna (Pop Star)	£8.5 m	MEAT EATER
Malcolm McPhee (postman, Mid Glamorgan)	£12,470	VEGETARIAN
John Danzeisen (Chairman of ICI)	£1.6 m	MEAT EATER
Sir Christopher Bland (Chairman of BT)	£500,000	MEAT EATER
Darren Whiting (Customer services assistant, Bradford)	£11,230	VEGETARIAN
Jason Smith (McDonalds, Brighton)	£9,101	VEGETARIAN

This chart shows, without a doubt, that vegetarians are less likely to be successful as meat eaters. All the people with top jobs eat meat, whereas all the people with menial jobs do not.

THE ANIMALS

We have all been affected by the sight of battery chickens squashed into tiny cages, pigs left cruelly to bleed to death on hooks and week-old calves fattened in little boxes to make veal. Vegetarians are fixated on the welfare of animals, and often use this in their anti-meat arguments. But do the animals really suffer all that much? Are they intelligent enough to notice? Does it really matter anyway?

Dr V Pasta from Illinois University, USA argues:

Animals do not feel pain the way we human beings do. To us, it would be unthinkable to sit for several weeks in a small cage with several other people, but chickens simply don’t mind it. Chickens are sociable creatures who actually enjoy being in such close proximity to their families. They are also very aggressive, and thrive on having the opportunity to fight one another for food.

Indeed, chickens have never been known to complain about their treatment the way vegetarians do. The average battery hen spends its life in a warm cage, surrounded by its friends and family, meals provided, not having to make any effort at all. Its free range counterparts, meanwhile, are forced to scour the countryside in all kinds of adverse weather conditions. Which is the cruellest method of farming chickens then? Dr Pasta concudes:

Battery farming is by far the most humane way to farm chickens. The hens are well looked after, cosy and well fed. Their environment is rigorously clean, their food is sanitary and delicious and they have the companionship of their kin. On the other hand, free range chickens can often wander away from each other and become frightened, they are generally unclean and tired from too much exertion, and their freedom makes it much harder when their friends and family start disappearing one by one, to be sold for meat. Tests show that free range chickens suffer from depressive illnesses at a much higher rate than battery hens.

Vegetarians tend to overlook the fact that many domestic animals would be extinct if it weren’t for the meat trade. Cows, sheep and pigs have no use whatsoever apart from for meat. They use up valuable farming land, disrupt the peace of the countryside with their infernal bleating and grunting, are an enormous amount of work for farmers – and, of course, smell dreadful. If we did not eat animals, they would either die out and disappear for good, or they would become wild and dangerous. It is quite possible that sheep could mutate into predatory creatures if not contained within the herd. Just the smallest amount of freedom could lead to catastrophe.

In 1960, an experiment was performed with Category A prisoners at Denweng Prison in Japan. They were taken out of the prison gates and simply let go. Every single one of them escaped, many of whom went on the commit more foul deeds that ever before. What more proof do we need to warn us of the dangers of animal instinct? We have our children to think of, after all.

The transportation of livestock has always been thought of as cruel and unnecessary. All over Britain, animal rights campaigners call for a ban on live export. But why? Animals are taken around in large, air conditioned, purpose-built vans. They are not expected to walk half way round the world! The exportation of animals is no different from the coach trips which are organised for the purpose of transporting the British underclasses to the Costa Del Sol every summer, so why are vegetarians so up in arms about transportation? A Vegetarian explains:

Transporting animals is cruel […] which is why we don’t like it.

But is it really all that cruel? No, is the basic answer.

The Environment

It has long been argued that the meat industry is detrimental to the environment. Large amounts of rain forests have been cleared for the purpose of grazing animals for meat, and it takes a lot of grass to feed a few cows, etc. However, I found these things to be completely false.

It has been proved that rain forests are dying anyway. All living things must die, and trees are no exception. Even the oldest tree in the world will one day curl up its branches and fall over. What does it matter when this happens? Death is death, after all. It is an essential and inevitable part of life.

Furthermore, we all know the value of lavatory paper and cereal boxes. I don’t suppose there are many vegetarians out there who refuse to clean themselves after performing lavatorials, yet they still insist that the meat trade is responsible for the destruction of trees! Cows don’t use paper, do they? They don’t eat bark or leaves! Cows eat grass, and they do not care where they find it. I would argue that it is cruel to blame cows for destroying the rain forest, when it is we people who do so through our insistence on reading newspapers and striking matches.

Vegetarians argue that land would produce more food if it were used for sowing seeds and pulses, rather than grazing cattle. Again, I cannot see how this would benefit the cows. Surely if their grazing pastures were turned into corn crops and wheat fields the cows would not be able to eat, and would therefore die? Not only would they die, but they would die slowly and painfully, and without any purpose. If the vegetarians got their way, cows would die in great agony, without even the comfort of knowing they have helped a family like yours to enjoy a fine Sunday lunch.

Conclusion

Meat is a wonderful thing. It is good for us, for the animals AND for the environment. Without meat we would soon become a nation of cruel, weak, stupid, forgetful, unhealthy, boring vegetable-eating losers. With it, however, we will continue to thrive. We will remain healthy, vibrant, strong, proud and magnificent; content that we are merely using the resources God has provided.

Kate's Bits

• Ten Things About Kate
• Meat Is Good For You

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