Drivel Of Yore

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Wednesday 26 August 2015
------------------------
Festival Of Stick Waving

The Meaning Of Liff
-------------------
SHENANDOAH (n.)
The infinite smugness of one who knows they are entitled to a place in a nuclear bunker.

I Never Knew That
-----------------
The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."




Poem Of The Day
---------------

I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
(Mike)

I walked on golden sandwiches 
The doughy softness 'neath my feet 
Where seldom one disparages 
The choice they make to eat. 

For here was egg and cress and cheese 
And bacon, beef and ham 
And there was chicken Milanese 
And turkey, tongue and Spam. 

I skirted round the gilded crusts 
As though it were the sarny's gutter 
Where seeping out like yellowed rust 
Was "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" 

Oh, wondrous sandwiches that gleam 
Whose true abode would be Fort Knox 
I cannot but hold you in esteem 
Yet trample you in shoes and socks. 

And as I leapt from 'wich to 'wich 
And bounded in the fluffiness 
I stumbled on a teenage witch 
Of most unsightly scruffiness. 

She played upon a concertina 
Touting for odd bits of change. 
She said, "Yes, I am Sabrina 
And I know that this looks strange." 

"You see my audience has dropped 
'Cos people tired of comic witches. 
And since my T.V. show has flopped 
I've gone and blown all of my riches. 

Drink and drugs then took their toll 
And gambling took the dosh I'd made 
And then I was living in a hole 
Cold and hungry and so afraid. 

But then I found a ragged script 
That of the final episode 
That ne'er was shot because they'd nipp'd 
The ailing series in the bud. 

And hence there lay one final spell 
That no one from the show had uttered. 
And all at once I knew too well 
Just how my bread was to be buttered 

Gold! I cried. Oh give me gold 
Let it be my daily bread 
Give me riches to behold 
And live with until I am dead. 

And now you see my sorry state, 
No longer hungry, no longer poor. 
But I must bear my awful fate 
For from this place there is no door. 

So, please, I beg you, spare some change 
For begging's all I do 
My hair is ridden with the mange 
And I sleep in my own poo." 

And as I looked upon this wretch 
I knew she told the truth 
For from her came an awful stench 
Which made me go "Gor Streuth!" 

But then my blood began to race 
And I smacked her round the head 
And as I kicked her in the face 
This is what I said: 

"You silly, stupid, soddin' bitch 
No way am I gonna pay yer. 
I've no time for a teenage witch 
For I am Buffy the Vampire Slayer." 


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